Just a terrible day, for women, for men, for babies and for children in this country.
My head is a swirl.
I am thinking about friends who I sat with when they got pregnant when it just wasn't the right time for them to take on the responsibilities of signing on to become mothers. ( And please, spare me the lectures about just don't have sex unless you are willing to take on that burden when you and I both know that men can easily just ghost the woman or pretend that they weren't actually involved. )
I am thinking about people from my parents' generation who entered marriages that were toxic for all involved (including --and especially the children) because the woman became pregnant. Who among us hasn't been in a relationship where we realized after a few months or a few years was just not a good idea? I don't understand the rationale of chaining people together for life just because they had sex and perhaps a condom broke.
When I was growing up there were a fair number of mothers who just seemed really angry most of the time. It wasn't unusual to see the mothers of my playmates whose resting emotion was rage. I grew up with kids who grew up in such households. Those kids were damaged.
I think about how in my generation in my circles, children, each child was desired and wanted. I am not saying that we were all perfect as parents. But we all know that a child who knows that they are loved just has a better footing in this difficult world.
I am remembering a dear friend who discovered during pre-natal testing that the very desired fetus growing within her had a terrible genetic flaw that meant that she was carrying a fetus that not only would not live past its first birthday but that its life would be one of pain and suffering. How is it a good thing to insist that someone like my friend can't minimize suffering all around for herself, for her husband, and even for that fetus? My friend decided to abort that terribly damaged fetus and then went on to have other children.
I would feel slightly less angry if we lived in a country that provided good maternal health to all women, especially poor women, but we don't. I would feel less enraged if we provided support for families in poverty, but we don't. Our government doesn't spend enough on education, healthcare, on childcare. It is increasingly difficult for young women to learn about birth control or to have access to birth control.
Clarence Thomas is winking at eliminating legal access to birth control. Do you seriously believe that the man who joked about pubic hairs in a can of soda NEVER had unprotected sex? or never had sex with a woman he wasn't married to?
The Venn-diagram of people who are anti-abortion because they are pro-life has a remarkably large overlap with the folks who believe that the right to carry a gun is sacrosanct. The people who live in that overlap love fetuses but hate children. They love fetuses but it is somehow OK to shoot up classrooms filled with former-fetuses. Abortion is murder but the right to shoot is more important than the lives of fourth graders.
Christians often deride Talmudic thinking for being perhaps underhanded and sneaky--just in search of a loophole. A couple of weeks ago I listened to a frum podcast about abortion. Many of the speakers were very right-wing and were in theory deeply set against the idea of aborting a fetus. But even the most stalwartly anti-abortion of them admitted that making abortion illegal in this country was a terrible idea because it was 100% clear to them that there are times when abortion is really the only right and moral thing to do. Talmudic thinking allows us to deal with the reality of the messiness of life that doesn't get easily categorized as just black or just white.
Just a couple of weeks ago I got an email from the bone marrow registry letting me know that I was now too old to be a donor. I am also too old to become pregnant. For once I am grateful to be old. Woe to this country. Woe to the terrible people who made such damaging decisions.
Roe became the law because too many people saw and lived through the damage caused by illegal abortions. The damage isn't theoretical. It is real.
well said Sarah! While I could never have an abortion except in very special circumstances, I stand firmly on my platform - legal rather than backroom butchery and every woman's right to have control over her body. What is this world coming to? As I peer at 80 coming sooner than I realized, I'm glad I won't be around to see my grandchildren deal with the future - it is hard enough now!
ReplyDeleteDear Martha Ann,
DeleteI think that most women don't choose abortion lightly. I hope fervently that the pendulum will start swinging back towards sanity. I hope every day that the folks who understand that difficult decisions require compassion rather than cruelty. I just hope that not too many women die along the way.
Thank you for putting this so well.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly! Thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou said it. I agree with you totally. And add that so many of these people who want to ban abortion totally do not seem to know how the biology works. One saying that you don't get pregnant with rape while some 10 and 12 year olds would tell you differently. AAARGGHHH
ReplyDeleteThe problem with fundamentalist beliefs is while they simplify some aspects of life because things are divided so neatly into black or white... life as actually lived is filled with situations that are complicated and nuanced. Abortion nearly always falls into the complicated category where you need both justice and mercy.
ReplyDeleteReally well spoken. As an outsider (Australian) I am at a loss at how the American public think. I cannot fathom the depth of commitment to guns and the commitment of strangers thinking it's right to dictate to others about their bodies and lives.
ReplyDeleteJust as you can't just say "Australians believe..." and accurately capture the complexity of Austrailian society, America is a big and complicated place with a wide rage of beliefs. It can be difficult to imagine that although my neighborhood votes over 95% Democratic that this isn't the entire country. Weirdly the way our government is organized (Congress is proportionally representative---more populous areas have more representation , the Senate each state has two senators--which gives the less populous--often more right wing --sectors of the country proportionally huge power) makes it harder for the views of the majority to have actual power.
ReplyDeleteWeirdly, many of these extreme views about abortion are actually quite new and don't even have a long hold in Christianity. https://www.newyorker.com/culture/essay/is-abortion-sacred.
As a Jew, there are laws from the bible that I feel strongly about but I don't expect American law to adhere to those laws. ( Go eat your ham sandwich in peace---and BTW the biblical punishment for eating that ham sandwich, or desecrating the Sabbath is far greater than the punishment for causing a miscarriage )
I resent bad readings of the Constitution and bad readings of the Bible. I don't run the country or the world I just wri9te my little blog and make stuff.